Tiger's Speech
December 7th, 2017
"Before I begin my speech, I would like to thank you all for coming and allowing me the opportunity to share with you my goals and aspirations for the future of this great country. It is a bright sign for the future of this country to see a full room of people who took precious time out of their day to hear me speak and participate in our democracy. Your generosity does not go unnoticed.
America has always been a leader. An economic leader, a technological leader, a military leader, an environmental leader--a leader is one who sets the direction to fight for justice and fairness both domestically and on the global stage. And America remains a leader in these and so many more areas. But the country is faced by a growing number of issues. Our children are denied a good education. Our deteriorating environment fails to receive the attention it deserves. Our citizens still struggle to find affordable health care. Income inequality is higher than ever. But these issues don’t provide an insurmountable obstacle, they provide an opportunity. An opportunity to change and to make our society better for everyone—not just a select few. We will solve them not by division, but by cooperation. Not by statement, but by action. Not by generalization, but by specification. In the coming weeks, you’ll hear candidates in this election speak of grandiose effects they will have on this country, but are they able to explain how? How will Rory “fix the current problems to allow everyone to enjoy access to healthcare?” How will Max simultaneously increase spending for all schools and decrease student debt--where will this money come from? And how will Pablo balance the needs of each of his multiple families in addition to the needs of the country? He’s no George Washington—he should be on Sister Wives. In all seriousness, though, they say that everything will be better with them, but have no explanation as to why or how. You won’t hear promises like these from me. My promises are backed by realistic, specific policy that will help us achieve our goals.
I don’t aim to run the most lavish, most flamboyant, or most theatrical campaign. I cannot promise you any of those things. However, I can promise that I will be passionate, determined, and the most committed to giving you, the people, the leader that you deserve. I will not lie to you. I will not hide behind power or fame. I will work tirelessly, day and night, to serve you to the absolute best of my abilities. I will not get stuck in party ties or partisan conflicts, for that will only stall the progress that we, as a country, need to make. I want a better America, for every individual in this nation. No one deserves to have obstacles on their path to receive an education. No one deserves to live in a society where the gap between classes is so huge. No one deserves to live in a world being demolished by the rising temperatures, while their government denies the problem. No one deserves to be in a constant state of fear from foreign powers or terrorism. No one deserves to struggle, constantly, to pay for their healthcare. And no one deserves to have their rights denied from them. We are a nation of 325 million human beings; it would be a crime to fail to celebrate all of the diversity that comes along with that.
But, it is useless to stand here and to list to you the problems we, as a nation, face. Instead, I plan to take today to tell you exactly how I will fix these issues.
On income inequality: our campaign has unveiled a comprehensive tax reform policy that will fairly redistribute wealth in this country and create a system where everyone pays what they can afford. Robert Penn Warren once wrote in All the King’s Men that “The best luck always happens to people who don't need it.” And unfortunately, our tax code proves him right, as it allows the wealthy to escape paying fair taxes while the middle class bears the load for the country. We will add new tax brackets to increase taxes on the very wealthy and implement the proposed “Buffett” Rule, which enforces a minimum income tax rate on the very wealthy to prevent them from using loopholes to pay less tax as a percentage of income than their middle class counterparts--the Tax Foundation estimates that the richest 1% paid an effective federal income tax rate of 24.7% in 2014; someone making under $100,000 can pay upwards of 28%. There isn’t anyone here who would argue that it is fair to allow the upper class to pay less of their income than the middle and lower classes.
On education: our campaign plans to move funds from private school tax deductions and into the public school system. We will direct money toward teacher training so that every single public school in this country has teachers of the highest quality this nation has to offer. We will also incentivize teaching at traditionally low-achieving schools to improve the performance of at-risk students in inner cities and rural areas. By doing this, we will dismantle the school to prison pipeline that has failed so many youth.
On healthcare: we will amend the imperfect Affordable Care Act to reduce premiums and allow for the market to do its work. First, though, we must note that it is a good law. It has provided healthcare to millions of Americans—after all, the Census Bureau estimates that 90% of Americans now have health insurance—and healthcare experts predict that the issues the law has had are only temporary while the healthcare market figures out how to best work within the law. To make it even better, we will incentivize participation among providers to increase competition and drive down premiums for consumers. Also, we will allow employers the flexibility to offer healthcare or not, preventing small companies from going out of business due to high premiums.
On foreign policy: we will develop a healthy balance between isolationism and interventionism, between American interests and global interests, between promoting democratic values around the globe and strengthening our government here at home. We will maintain our strong relationships with military and trade alliances such as NATO and the UN. We will encourage long-term, multinational strategies that ensure unity, peace, and cooperation among nations. We will continue to fight terrorism abroad by supporting those countries most greatly affected by it in their campaigns against a shared enemy, while also mounting campaigns at home to prevent terrorist-inspired attacks in the US.
And finally, on the environment: the Björnlund campaign believes that climate change is the most pressing global issue that our generation faces. We are dedicated to keeping global temperature increases under two degrees celsius, a goal set by scientists as the threshold for avoiding global disaster. We will also start a Climate Change Action Committee comprised of the top environmental scientists in the country. We will work with this community to innovate and discover new ways to combat climate change. We will also incentivize businesses using clean and renewable energy and regulate the use of environmentally destructive energy sources.
Lastly, while I have your attention, I want to address allegations of a gambling addiction that have been brought up about me recently. Let me be clear: I do not have a gambling addiction. I have been involved with betting in the past, but what is in my past is what is in my past. Right now, I am focused on improving this country, and I hope that you all share that goal. If you desire additional information, I would like to guide you towards my recent press release, which comprehensively explains these allegations.
So if you have come here today sharing the same hope for our country, the same dreams and aspirations for our people, the same will and determination for our government, then I ask you to join me on my journey to the future. Join me, and together we will conquer these serious problems and lead this great country towards a new beginning of unconditional freedom, universal tolerance and equal respect and dignity for each and every citizen. Remember, our campaign is fighting for president, for America, and, as always, for you. Thank you for your time and god bless America."
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