"My name is Konstantin Belikow. Throughout my research, I’ve uncovered unsettling facts regarding climate change, and today I’d like to begin by sharing a few with you. According to the University Corporation for Atmospheric Research, since the year 1880, global temperatures have risen by over 1.5 degrees Fahrenheit (“How Much”). The EPA predicts that they are expected to increase by another four degrees by the year 2100 (“Future”). With that dangerous change, sea levels could rise by twenty-three feet. Coastal cities will be flooded. London will go underwater (“Sea Level”). Thousands of species will go extinct. Now, I don’t care if you think its cause is man-made or not, but we can no longer afford to ignore this. It’s life or death. Now my campaign will spare no expense probing America’s issues. While America sleeps, I will be working. Within the four years I am in office, I will ensure a safe and prosperous future for all of our people. I will implement tough environmental regulations, and introduce a carbon tax to prevent us from digging our own graves. It’s time for us to work our hearts out. Working for something that truly matters.

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We will save our planet no matter the cost. We will do it. We will gladly accept other nations’ help, but quite frankly we don’t need it. You see we’re Americans. We work hard for others. We’re the hardest workers out there. And we don’t look to them for help, we do it ourselves. Not because we should but because we must. We are born with an innate hunger to be the best, and we don’t need help to accomplish greatness. But in order for us to allow this instinct to flourish, we have to ensure that the American dream is available to everybody.

 

So on my first day in office, I will draft a proposal to congress to add an amendment to the constitution--I want this to be imprinted in the very fabric of our spirit. The amendment will call for the legal enforcement of the equal treatment of all under the law, regardless of race, sexual orientation, or gender. We will swiftly and decisively eliminate the gender pay gap, making the American dream a reality for people of all genders and all races. My opponents might call my policies idyllic, but I disagree. I simply refuse to accept anything less than the best for each and every one of you.

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Keeping that in mind, I find it necessary not only to work towards environmental success but also economic success. My fiscal policy, known as stop-trickling economics, will decrease the wealth gap without harming the upper class. First, I will decrease income taxes on the lower and middle class. I will then increase taxes for the upper class, but, to counteract the disincentives that this might produce I will introduce tax cuts for businessmen who pay out higher wages to their workers. This will encourage a higher minimum wage without legally imposing it upon businesses. Since I plan to decrease military spending, a portion of this funding will be allocated towards providing workers in the fossil-fuel industry an easy transition to greener companies. Subsidies will be provided to companies that higher ex-fossil-fuel workers, to prevent the loss of jobs when we inevitably ease away from non-renewable energy sources. Furthermore, standard business taxes will drastically decrease to give companies more freedom to expand, and to give them an incentive to invest right here, in the United States. It is worthy of noting however, that their freedom is not to come at the expense of our safety.

 

Our goal is to make the U.S. competitive with Chinese goods, while maintaining higher standards for our workers, our environment, and our technology. We will achieve a head start in green energy that will put us way ahead of other world powers.

 

But I do intend to improve relations with world powers, including Russia and China. I have already received Ms. Quackenbush’s endorsement, proving my expertise in working with the Russian people. I will send friendly diplomats to make our position clear: we will work with you, but we are not to be messed with. I will then formulate a proposal to the United Nations security council to internationally ban nuclear weapons. These weapons are a disgrace. There is no reason why we should ever use these weapons on our own planet. It’s suicide. The money we gain from the revoked funding of nuclear weapons will be put to good use. It will all be given to NASA. They will work with companies such as Elon Musk’s SpaceX to expand environmental research and expedite our manned mission to Mars. It is my strong belief that America’s greatness boils down to our ability and willingness to do great things, and in the process inspire our children to do the same. Our children will be brought to the forefront of human knowledge. I will allocate funds from obsolete military programs to expand public school programs, and make sure that American students are the world’s best. I will also eliminate government funding from charter schools. They have consistently demonstrated their carelessness with students, and have made profit their top priority. American Capitalism explains our economic system: We allow individuals to make financial decisions outside the influence of the government. We value American Capitalism, but we do not validate the abuse of our children’s educational standards in its name.

 

My policy has taken the best elements from both liberalism and conservatism, and mixed it into a comprehensive and mutually beneficial system. It doesn’t sway too far to the left, like Tricky Tiger and Radical Rory’s economic policy does. Yes, we have to save the environment. But we won’t jeopardize the economic state of businesses in the process. We don’t have to choose one or the other. We can save both. It doesn’t take an Einstein, it just takes a smart and cohesive policy, and the willingness of the people to work hard. I don’t intend to patronize you with the false belief that we’re all going to achieve our dreams. We won’t. I’m telling you what it takes to be successful. It takes an unwavering, stubborn commitment to your future. You all have the potential to be that person. I’m asking you to make it happen.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, I’m pressed for time, so if there are any questions about my policy, please check out my website or send me an email. For now, I’d like to leave you with a quote from the classic novel All the King’s Men, by Robert Penn Warren. It reads: “If we should ever break the conspiracy of silence we might have to face the fact of the other conspiracy and have to look down and see the blood on our hands” (Warren, 611). It’s time to admit our shortcomings and to get back up on our feet and fight. This world is unforgiving. Only the best make it. Stop settling for decency. Fight to be the best. In my presidency, we will lift each other to that status. We’re approaching Christmas now, so I’m going to ask you all a favor. Stop asking for a miracle. Be somebody else’s miracle. Thank you."

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Works Cited

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"Future of Climate Change." Environmental Protection Agency, www.epa.gov/

    climate-change-science/future-climate-change. Accessed 6 Dec. 2016.

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"How Much Has the Global Temperature Risen since 1880?" University Corporation

    for Atmospheric Research, 2016, www2.ucar.edu/climate/faq/

    how-much-has-global-temperature-risen-last-100-years. Accessed 6 Dec. 2016.

"Sea Level Rise." National Geographic, ocean.nationalgeographic.com/ocean/

    critical-issues-sea-level-rise/. Accessed 6 Dec. 2016.

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Warren, Robert Penn. All the King's Men. New York, NY, Harcourt, Brace, 1946.

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