BREAKING: Nevins´ Nefarious Plan

Throughout the campaign Rory Nevins has been widely viewed as the calm, collected candidate that could lead our country to peace and security. Kind, humble, and relatable, he captured fifty percent of the popular vote and 141 electoral votes.

But is Rory really who we think he is?

At 12:27 PM on Monday night, The Walking Nine received a call from frantic security personnel. While reviewing a few week old tapes from security cameras late last night, Cherisse Millner, head of the secret service units devoted to the candidates’ protection, noticed something moving. She zoomed in, and the image began clearer: someone hauling something large and heavy into the ceiling of the FEC’s office.

Upon further investigation, The Walking Nine uncovered that the person in question was none other than candidate Rory Nevins, and he left behind dangerously condemning evidence: detailed blueprints of an elaborate plan to drop a piano on the head of another candidate -- Konstantin Belikow.

The blueprints revealed a convoluted system hanging a 1,200 pound concert grand piano from the ceiling. The plan has been set up for weeks, waiting for the opportune moment for piano to be dropped--which, Nevins scribbled on the back, was decided as the middle of Belikow’s upcoming speech this week.

The Walking Nine was able to contact the man hired to release the piano onto Belikow’s head, though he spoke only on the condition of anonymity.

“I was supposed to be up hidden behind the ceiling tiles, see, so we had a signal so I would know when to drop it,” our source said. “Once Konstantin was up at the podium, Rory would make like a bird call, and that’s how we’d know to let it drop.”

When The Walking Nine inquired as to whether he felt any guilt about potentially harming a candidate, the assistant shrugged.

“I mean, Rory said it’d be fine, so long as I didn’t accidentally hit the FEC,” he said.

Though what the Nevins’ campaign planned to do following the accident remains unclear, our source closed by noting that the attack was made to “look like an accident.”

Konstantin is currently polling in second with 49 votes, but while Rory is still in the lead by 92 more votes, Nevins clearly intended to eliminate any potential threat to his election.

Is there any chance his campaign can recover from this? Will he still have the people’s resounding support? And more importantly; can America really trust a candidate with homicidal tendencies, who will stop at nothing to ensure his power?